Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
