She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize