I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
