You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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