wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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