I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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