i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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