This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
