You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
