do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
