Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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