he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize