she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
