It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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