my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
