but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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