Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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