I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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