I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
