You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
