hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
