Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
