my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
