babies were throwing up all over the place
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
