Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
