if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
