please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize