The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
