how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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