i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
