If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just google imaged poop.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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