so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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