You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
