I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
