I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
