I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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