Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
