I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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