afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
