I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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