i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Randomize