College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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