I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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