There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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