I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Houston, we have a squirter
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
