dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
