I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
