Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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