Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
