We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
