Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The ass gains better be worth it
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