So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
