I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
