just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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