sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
