The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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