think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
