you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
