Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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