I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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