The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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