I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This baby is an asshole
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
