According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
