Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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