When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
