my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I need moral support for this bender
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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