And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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