She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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