Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
