do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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