before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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